


we'd go down to the river

by sappycinnamon



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Canon Rewrite, Canon Universe, Canonical Character Death, Childhood Friends, Feelings, First Love, First Meetings, Fluff, Introspection, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Mutual Pining, Romantic Angst, Sad with a Happy Ending, Uchiha Itachi-centric, Uchiha Massacre
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:41:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29323389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sappycinnamon/pseuds/sappycinnamon
Summary: Ever since he could remember, Itachi had always been drawn to the Nakano River. It always seemed like it had the answers he needed. On the day he nearly ends his life, he meets Uchiha Shisui and everything changes. Written as a series of memories that take place at the Nakano river. Essentially a rewrite of canon.
Relationships: Uchiha Itachi/Uchiha Shisui
Comments: 10
Kudos: 20





	1. Lost souls found by the water

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is a prologue of sorts. It describes the scene where Itachi jumps off the cliff in that one episode. There are some exisential themes here, for those who don't like that stuff.

The sharp knife his mother gripped in her slender, pale hand looked deadly. Itachi watched as she expertly sliced through the side of the fish’s head, letting the blood leak out in rivers onto the cloth she had put beneath it. Itachi had gone fishing with his father early that morning, and he had caught their dinner for them. Hours earlier, the silvery fish had been alive, swimming carefree. Now, his mother was humming softly to herself as she ended its life. 

Itachi immediately recognized the song as the ancient hymn his mother used to sing to him as a baby. The tune had always struck him as sharp and ominous, like a tiger stalking its prey. Long ago, she had told him it was to ward off evil spirits that tormented young, unsuspecting children. 

Itachi felt his stomach sink with disgust as the cloth grew damper with fresh blood. Another cycle of life had ended, and this time it was by his own hand. 

“Mother, I’m leaving. I’ll be back in time for dinner,” he said suddenly, turning away from the sight.

She nodded her head, not looking up from her careful carving. 

Suddenly, her humming stopped. 

“Itachi?” she called as he exited the kitchen.

“Yes?” 

His mother lifted her head this time, turning to stare at Itachi with warm, crinkled eyes. “Smile for me. You always forget to.” 

“Yes, mother,” he responded obediently. He offered her a small smile that did not quite reach his eyes. She began humming again, absorbing herself in dinner preparations once more. She seemed satisfied with what he had given her. 

As Itachi exited their spacious compound and stepped out into the bright afternoon sun, he felt a weight lift off his shoulders. Recently, Itachi could not bear to stay in his house more than he had to. It was stifling, and Itachi wasn’t sure why that was. 

His feet instinctively carried him past the other compounds of the village, past any signs of normal village life. He was surrounded by low hanging trees that needed pruning, and rough, unpaved ground. He already knew where he had subconsciously been walking to. 

Ever since he could remember, Itachi had always been drawn to the Nakano river. The flow of the water was swift and endless, and the wild rhythm of the waves seemed primordial. Itachi was sure that it had witnessed many great and terrible things in its lifetime. 

Itachi finally came to halt at the steep, jagged cliff that overlooked the Nakano, peering down expectantly. He was sure that the river had the answers he needed, the ones that he so desperately yearned for. 

When Itachi was four, his mother had told him about the legend of the Nakano River. In ancient times before the establishment of the Five Great Nations, Mizuchi, the serpentine water spirit that guarded the Nakano, had grown resentful of humans, who had always used the river’s silt, fish, and clear waters selfishly. He had devised a plan to keep men away from his gift, and enlisted the help of mountain spirits to construct a barrier, surrounding all but one entrance with rocky cliffs. This way, only those who were worthy were able to reap the benefits of the Nakano. Many years later, it was said that the Shodai Hokage and Madara Uchiha had met and befriended each other at the banks of the Nakano. Furious that two young boys had easily been able to discover the entryway that had remained hidden for centuries, the angry water spirit cursed them to be enemies for the rest of their lives. It was rumoured that anyone that dared to go near the river would be stricken with eternal misfortune.

Itachi was certain that his mother had told him the legend to scare him from visiting the river. She was incredibly superstitious, and her constant prayer and incense-burning aggravated his father to no end. Itachi wondered who was right—his father’s realism or his mother’s mysticism—but nonetheless, Itachi sensed he was being called to the Nakano by something. 

Itachi leaned forward and spread his arms wide, as if he were about to jump over the edge. He was giving up his body to the force of the wind, wild and unpredictable; if he wasn’t careful, a gust of wind could send him plummeting to the depths below. The dreadful thrill that shot through Itachi’s veins was intoxicating. 

_There is no meaning in life._

The man—Orochimaru, he had found out later—had told Itachi those words at the funeral, and they echoed through his mind sharply. Itachi didn’t know why he had been compelled to talk to him at the funeral. Itachi knew how suspicious his father was of the man; his father always said his ways were crafty, just like his name implied. He supposed he had been drawn to Orochimaru at the time, just like he was drawn to the Nakano River. Just like he was drawn to this alluring feeling. 

The only way he could describe the feeling that was coursing through his entire being was release. It was calming and fear-inducing at the same time, and Itachi savored it. 

It really was simple. All he had to do was let go, and he would be released. Released from all the pain and confusion he felt. He would be gone from the world, drifting in an eternal state of oblivion. 

But there was something desperate and greedy inside Itachi that was clinging to the ledge, screaming for him to pull back as it struggled for survival. 

The cycle within Itachi himself, the bloody battle between two unknowns: life and death. 

_And if there’s any meaning in death, it is to take advantage of it._

Orochimaru had also told him this. 

With the wind whipping hair into his eyes, Itachi finally had a realization. In order to understand the meaning of life… he himself would have to come close to the hands of death. One state could not exist without the other, and Itachi had never truly been close to death.

With a deep inhale, Itachi closed his eyes and let go. 

******** 

He was falling. 

It felt like flying. 

Faster and faster he was being carried by the wind, gravitating to the state of absolute nothingness by the dead weight of his plummeting body. 

Itachi felt liberated. 

Suddenly, he heard a shrill, human-like cry reach his ears, and it took Itachi a second to register that someone was calling out to him.

_“No one wants to die, so why are you trying to, boy?”_

The voice scattered, and his body seized in fearful realization of his fate. 

He gasped, his eyes wide and alert as he grabbed one kunai from his pack and plunged it into the cliff, slightly slowing his rapid descent. He quickly placed a kunai in his other hand and followed suit.

When Itachi saw a sharp, protruding rock a few feet below him, he angled his body toward the cliff and kicked off with all his might, narrowly avoiding the impact. 

Itachi knew that if he did not find a way to stabilize himself once more, he would surely die. 

Gritting his teeth until the metallic taste of blood flooded his mouth, Itachi extended his left arm in back of him, stabbing one kunai into the mountainous cliff behind him. With another surge of strength, he pierced it again with the kunai in his other hand. 

With the wind whistling in his ear, and the cawing of the crows surrounding him, Itachi held on for dear life and watched as the Nakano drew closer and closer. 

********** 

Itachi was alive. 

His arms and legs were covered in rough scratches, and he expected a few bruises to blossom across his pale skin, but aside from these minor injuries, Itachi had truly come face to face with death and survived. 

He was sitting on the ground, a few feet away from the rush of the Nakano river. 

Itachi sighed deeply, resting his head in hands. He had confronted death, and he could actually touch the waters of the legendary Nakano. And yet, he still didn’t have any answers. 

A crow had landed before him, tilting its head and watching him with deep, intelligent eyes. Itachi stared back, searching for an answer. 

The meaning of life and death were just as elusive to him as they had been before his fall. 

_“That’s not true. Reflect and gain insight. You have gone through a transformative experience.”_

Itachi gasped. It was that voice again, the one that had called out to him while he was falling. He looked around curiously, trying to determine its source. He couldn’t tell if the voice was emanating from the physical world, or if it was a figment of his imagination. Itachi could feel the physical sensations of sound vibrating in his ears, stirring the organs and nerves that should be bringing the message to his brain. But the message was being perceived from multiple points within him, some deep maze of subconsciousness. 

“Who are you?” Itachi asked out loud.

_“We saved you from death, Uchiha Itachi. We have marked you as one of our own.”_

_“Where do you come from?”_

All of the energy in Itachi’s body—his physical life force, the spiritual current of chakra that flowed alongside his physical blood vessels and nerves—pulsated in harmony as he communicated to the crow before him, the one that had called out to him during his fall. He recognized now that the crow was speaking to him in this otherworldly manner. 

_“All crows dwell in all realms. For us, the realm of the living is no different than the underworld. We see things for what they truly are, and reside among humans, spirits, and illusions alike.”_

Itachi looked at the black bird as it spoke to him from within him.

_“So right now, I am using both my physical and spiritual energy to speak with you? I am in the world of humans, spirits, and illusions at the same time, just like you?”_

Itachi looked around him excitedly, and the crow blinked at Itachi with amusement. 

_“I see you are using your exceptional gift of insight, Uchiha Itachi. Like us, you have eyes and the understanding to dwell in all realms at once, without the need for distinction. Most humans are blindly unaware of the spiritual forces that guide the physical world. Some humans, the shinobi, are aware and can manipulate one type of spiritual force—chakra— with practice, but they see their chakra as separate from their physical force.Those who can use genjutsu are calling upon our power to bring the world of the spirits to the world of man, and they create a world of illusions for their victims. But very few humans have the ability to dwell and coexist in all planes of existence like you can, Uchiha Itachi. For this reason, we have saved you from death. We have recognized you as our own.”_

Itachi put his hands to his chest, his stomach, his knees. He didn’t feel like he was in another plane of existence. The crow chirped, and Itachi recognized it as a bird-like laugh. 

_“You have not yet mastered the art of dwelling, so many truths are still concealed from your eyes. For instance, you cannot see the nature spirits that crowd at your feet, like I can. Crows are the link to the spiritual and physical world, the only beings that can navigate the realms easily. Your ability to communicate with us means that you have the ability to see and understand things for what they truly are. With practice, you will soon gain our insight.”_

Itachi thought about the crow's words. The bird made it seem like Itachi would soon have the answers he desperately wanted, but Itachi couldn't shake the feeling of ignorance that plagued his understanding.

_“But I still don’t understand life and death, even after you saved me.”_

_“You are exceptional, Uchiha Itachi. At a young age, you realized that in order to live life, you must walk in the shadow of death. You gave up your life, and then saved yourself in search of the truth. Most humans selfishly ignore death, and only come to terms with it when the Shinigami has their souls halfway out of their bodies. You must reflect and gain insight to understand your experience.”_

For some unfathomable reason, Itachi smiled at the crow who saved his life. 

“No one wants to die, right?” he wondered out loud, repeating what the crow had said to him as he was plummeting. 

The crow gave him one last, searching look and flew away with a squawk.

Itachi jumped to his feet, following its line of flight. Suddenly, a murder of crows flocked to where Itachi stood, encircling him in their rapid flight as they cawed in unison. He was blinded by glossy black feathers and dark, watchful gazes. 

_“You are now one of us, Itachi. You may summon us at your will to do your bidding.”_

Their voices flooded his being once more, and then they began flying away, dispersing into trees and cliffs beyond like feathery smoke.

“Wait!” 

Itachi reached out his hand, and the crow who had saved him flew away from the other birds and back to Itachi, landing its clawed feet on Itachi’s arm. It cocked its head curiously at Itachi. 

_“What is your name?”_

The bird blinked in surprise. 

_“Onmoraki.”_

_“Onmoraki, can you see the river spirit that guards the Nakano?”_

The bird twitched his head in a bird-like nod.

_“Yes. He has dwelled in this river since the beginning of time. But do not toy with him, Itachi. He is known to have a vengeful temper.”_

With one more searching look, Onmoraki flapped its wings and flew away.

Itachi slumped back onto the rocky shore, ignoring the pain that shot up the back of his knee as he tore his skin against a particularly sharp stone. Now that he was alone, Itachi noticed that his skin tingled with oversensitivity. The sharpness of every stone and harshness of the wind was felt searingly on his body. 

When Itachi registered soft footfalls heading in his direction, he immediately retrieved the kunai beside him, gripping it tightly. After a moment, Itachi saw a boy walking toward him, not much older than himself. He studied him carefully, taking in the unruly curls, the bandages wrapped around his ankles, and the wide-necked collar of his black shirt. The clothes branded him an Uchiha, but Itachi had never seen him before. 

“Who are you?” Itachi asked, kunai still poised for attack. His voice sounded scratchy, as if he hadn't used it in quite a while. 

The boy stared back at him, his dark eyes startled and intrigued. Then the sound of laughter greeted Itachi’s ears; it was soft and throaty, so pure and harmless, but Itachi was not foolish enough to fall prey to such friendly gestures. He remembered the time he had given water to the dying soldier on the battlefield. How he had thanked him one moment, and then had aimed a kunai at Itachi’s chest the very next. His skin prickled bitterly at the memory, and at the idea of being underestimated by the strange boy. 

“What’s so funny?” Itachi asked firmly.

The nameless boy shook his head, strands of hair falling into his eyes. “Nothing. I was just happy to finally meet who comes down here.” he said. “Just a bit surprised by you, that’s all.” 

He offered him a warm smile, and Itachi felt his brows raise in shock. He had only ever been on the receiving end of such a smile when someone complimented his exceptional skill—never because Itachi had done absolutely nothing to earn it. 

“My name is Shisui, by the way. Uchiha Shisui.”

Itachi finally lowered his kunai, and the boy plopped himself to the ground, his sandals feet inches away from the river water. 

“Uchiha Itachi,” he introduced simply. 

“You’re Fugaku-san’s son, right?”

Itachi nodded his head, eyes widening slightly. “How did you know that?”

“How could I not know? He’s the head of the Uchiha clan and the police force. Everyone knows about his exceptional son, Uchiha Itachi.” The boy―no, Shisui―laughed again. Sasuke found that he liked hearing it. It was like a warm summer breeze passing through him, heating his sensitive skin slowly. 

“You make it sound like I’m famous.” Itachi answered. 

“But you kind of are,” Shisui acknowledged with a grin.

Itachi didn’t know how to respond to that.

Shisui positioned himself on his knees, extended his hand to thread his fingers through the water of the Nakano river. He looked lost in thought and deeply tranquil, as if he had done this thousands of times before. 

“They say these waters are cursed,” Itachi spoke suddenly. “They bring misfortune to those who trouble the river spirit.”

Shisui gazed at Itachi, pausing his ministrations. “Do you truly believe that? That you and I are both cursed for being here?”

No one had ever asked him that before. No one had ever cared about what he believed was right or wrong. People only told him their philosophies, and assured him it was the path to follow.

“I… I’m not sure.”

Itachi smiled at him again, his eyes crinkling. “Me neither. But if the legends were true, I should already be dead by now. I’ve been disturbing the Mizuchi for many years.” 

“Or perhaps you’ve befriended the Mizuchi, and he doesn’t mind your company,” Itachi countered. 

When Shisui laughed, he couldn’t help but laugh along with him.

It felt like release. 

“I just like to think of the Nakano as a place to gather my thoughts. And to avoid doing chores. And to meet new people, now that you’re here with me, Itachi,” he added brightly.

Itachi smiled at him, and the sound of the rushing river filled their comfortable silence.

“How did you get down here, anyway?” Itachi asked after a moment, watching as Shisui began gliding his fingers along the cyanic waves again. 

“The same way you did, I suppose.”

Itachi looked up at the rocky cliff. Shisui must have jumped when Itachi was dwelling with the crows.

“I didn’t hear you fall.” 

Like a flash of lightning, Shisui had gotten up from his spot by the river and crouched beside him. Itachi had never seen anyone move that fast before.

Shisui’s eyes were deep and searching, and his mouth was tugged down in a worried frown. His face looked so different, now that he wasn't smiling.

“Are you all right, Itachi?” he asked concernedly. “Are you hurt?” he said, wrapping careful hands around his ankle and the back of his knee, moving it forward and back experimentally. Before he could move on to inspect his other leg, Itachi put a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m all right, Shisui. I’m not hurt.” Itachi moved his limbs in various directions to make his statement clear.

Shisui was still observing him with an attentive gaze. 

“Why did you jump Itachi?” he asked simply.

He waited for the admonition, for the judgemental stare that always made him feel as if he were from another planet. The way all the other clansmen acknowledged Itachi, but never really wanted to understand him.

Shisui only chewed his lip, ready to listen to Itachi’s answer. 

Why did Shisui care about what Itachi had to say? And Why did Itachi want to answer him truthfully?

“I was… I suppose I was searching for answers. Maybe I was testing myself.”

Shisui kept his dark eyes on Itachi. “Were you trying to prove something?”

Itachi looked down at his scratched knees as he pondered Shisui’s question. They were smudged with dirt and dust.

“I think so. I think I was trying to prove my existence. Prove to myself that… my life had some meaning. If I jumped, and I didn’t save myself, then that would prove my life was meaningless. So meaningless that I didn’t think it was worth saving.” 

He lifted his eyes, looking up at Shisui and expecting to see confusion. Instead, Shisui looked like he understood. 

“But you saved yourself, Itachi.”

“I did.”

With a quick, easy movement, Shisui wrapped his arm around Itachi’s shoulder. 

“You didn’t have to almost die to prove your existence. Although I understand why you did it.” he began carefully. “I think finding your meaning is important, Itachi. But you should stay alive―and live your life―while you search for it.”

“I suppose you're right, Shisui.”

Shisui gave him a look from the corner of his eye. “You really are exceptional, Itachi, to have survived a fall like that. Exceptional and daring.”

Itachi laughed. “Not crazy?”

Shisui shrugged, and Itachi felt the motion against own shoulder. “Most people would say yes. But most people aren’t like us, I suppose. We willingly found our way to this river of misfortune.”

The two Uchihas watched the steady rise and fall of the cursed river. 

Itachi felt like he was in another world. 

“You know, I can show you the hidden entrance to the Nakano. And then you can come here all the time.” 

Shisui sounded slightly cautious, as if he were expecting something to rise from the river and swallow them whole. 

“I’d like that. I’d really like to come here with you again, Shisui.” Itachi reassured him.

The depths of the river were endless, but Itachi thought the depths of Shisui’s shining eyes were just as infinite in that moment. 

“So would I."


	2. never leave the stream of warm impermanence

Itachi found that if he clasped his two hands together, he was able to discern the tree’s chakra network and physical life force more easily. He smiled as his eyes wandered over the tree’s chakra network, the intertwining pale blue loops that ran deep from the roots and all the way up to the tips of the tree’s branches. A plum colored physical life force coiled around the tree, outlining its wide shape. The physical force beat like a heart, its motions slow but powerful. It was so different from the transparent earthy green and brown mist that surrounded the rocks at his feet. 

_“I can see it clearly now,”_ Itachi told Onmoraki.

The black bird, who had been busily scavenging for insects on the rocky shore of the Nakano, hopped over to stand by Itachi’s knee. 

_“What do you see, Itachi?_

Itachi tightened his interlocked fingers. _“I see a pale blue chakra network. And it’s life force is purple, and outlines the tree and courses with deliberate movements. This means the tree is healthy, and will blossom in two week’s time.”_

_“And the tree on your left? How does it differ?”_

He gazed at the gnarled tree Onmoraki was referring to, and frowned slightly. 

_“It’s physical force is still intact, but it moves with a slow progression. It’s chakra network is colorless and decayed. The black parasite lodged at the center crawled up there from the roots, which are now severed and lifeless. This tree will manifest signs of sickness in three days, and will die within a week.”_

_“I’m impressed, Itachi. You learn quickly.”_

Itachi smiled, unclasping his hands. _“This is the most difficult thing I’ve had to master.”_

__

__Mastering the art of dwelling was the only thing Itachi had not been able to grasp with ease. He had been studying for two years now, and he was only truly adept at dwelling with nature, such as plants and rocks. He hadn’t been able to discern any spirits or deities, and he couldn’t dwell among animals or humans yet. These beings moved much too quickly for Itachi to spot anything beyond wisps of color. Today, Onmoraki was giving him a final test to assess his ability to dwell with inert nature. If he excelled, he could move on to dwelling with sentient beings. Itachi was slightly nervous, as Onmoraki had told him that he had to practice dwelling with dead animals before he could dwell with moving and living animals._ _

_“For a human, Itachi, you are exceptional. You have mastered dwelling with inert nature in a short time. The last one we marked had been ages ago, and she died only being able to dwell among stones.”_

__Itachi extended his arm for Onmoraki to perch on. The bird flapped its wings, landing lightly on Itachi’s forearm._ _

__He concentrated on Onmoraki’s glossy black feathers, examining the cracks and crevices of each one. The bird sensed what he was trying to do, and stood completely still. One by one, Itachi observed the faint, silvery glow that emanated from the tips of his wings, and watched as a whole chakra network unveiled itself slowly, outlining and dipping into every crease and barb of the crow’s feathers. It was airy and blurry, but still it was something. His eyes twitched in pain, and Itachi winced. Onmoraki moved, dispelling the network and allowing Itachi’s eyes to relax._ _

_“I can see a little bit of your spiritual force, Onmoraki,”_ Itachi stated. _“It’s beautiful, even though I can’t see it clearly yet.”_

_“Your skills of sight and flattery are superb,”_ Onmoraki retorted sarcastically, and Itachi laughed. 

__He wondered what other animals were like. He knew ninjas could summon and dwell with certain animals that resonated with them spiritually, but he wasn’t quite sure if their relationships were like theirs. Itachi felt like a student and friend, part of the crow’s inner-circle. He had met and spoken to nearly all crows in Konoha by now, but Onmoraki had saved him from death all those years ago, so he had to be his teacher._ _

__Suddenly, the crow cocked his head to the side, flying off Itachi’s arm and landing on the ground before him._ _

_“I sense your Shisui coming. He’s nearly here.”_

Itachi sighed audibly. _“Why do you always refer to him as ‘my’ Shisui? I don’t own him.”_

Onmoraki chirped, and it sounded like a bird-like laugh. _“Your Shisui’s right behind you.”_

Ever since Shisui had become a jonin a few months ago, he thought it was humorous to sneak up on Itachi when he least expected it, and do something that would surprise him. Last time, he had tickled his sides until Itachi had doubled over in laughter. Before that, he had covered Itachi’s eyes with soft hands. Shisui was the only person who could successfully catch him off guard, and he always used his skill to make Itachi smile.

__“I know you’re there, Shisui,” Itachi said out loud, not turning around to see if it were true or not. “I think I’m getting a little better at noticing your presence.”_ _

__The laughter that always seemed to pour out of Shisui in gentle waves met Itachi’s ear, but Itachi instantly noticed it was laced with heaviness. Shisui was good at hiding his true feelings by donning a mask of cheerfulness, but Itachi was getting better at recognizing the cracks._ _

__“I guess you are,” he said in his usual bright voice. Itachi felt two lightly muscled arms wrap around his middle securely, and Shisui squeezed him carefully, as if Itachi would break into a million pieces if he applied too much force to the embrace._ _

__Shisui wasn't averse to physicality, but he only ever hugged Itachi this way when he had just had a difficult time with his father._ _

__Seconds later, the older boy swiftly withdrew his touch, seating himself beside Itachi._ _

__“What was that for?” Itachi asked, nudging Shisui with his elbow. Sometimes Itachi could get Shisui to share his feelings with simple gestures._ _

__Shisui elbowed him back on his side. “I just felt like hugging my friend. Although, without the element of surprise, it’s not nearly as exciting.” Shisui extended an open palm out to Onmoraki, and Itachi noticed he was holding out small pieces of bread to the bird. The crow hobbled forward, eyeing Shisui with amusement. No matter how hard Shisui tried, Onmoraki never ate directly from his hand. He would always wait for Shisui to drop the crumbs to the ground._ _

__After a strange staring contest of sorts, Shisui obliged with a defeated sigh, and set the food on the ground before Onmoraki. The bird bent forward and pecked at it eagerly._ _

__“I don’t think Onmoraki will ever accept me as a friend. He only has eyes for you, Itachi.”_ _

__Itachi laughed. “He doesn’t eat from my hand either. He’s much too prideful.”_ _

__The older boy reached out a hand and stroked the bird’s inky feathers, and Onmoraki squawked with defiance._ _

__“He’s cute,” Shisui declared with authority. “I just wish he wasn’t so standoffish.”_ _

Onmoraki stopped eating the crumbs and stared at Itachi with exasperation. _“I am a minor deity, Itachi. I will not let your friend pet and belittle me like those inferior messenger birds you use.”_

__At that instance, Shisui had glided a soft finger over the bird’s head, which was where Onmoraki hated being touched the most. Itachi burst into fits of giggles as the bird flapped its wings vigorously, causing Shisui to draw back his hand with wide eyes._ _

__“I think he’s warming up to you, Shisui.”_ _

__“Very funny.”_ _

__For a few moments, they watched the steady flow of the Nakano together._ _

__Shisui shattered the comfortable silence between them first. “Look what I’ve got for you, Itachi. I nearly forgot I had it.”_ _

__He rummaged through his pocket, and produced a hair tie, its black and red threads woven in an intricate, zig-zag design. Itachi raised his eyebrows at him._ _

__“You want me to tie my hair with that?”_ _

__Shisui wore a confident smile on his face, but Itachi could tell he was slightly embarrassed about something. Whenever he looked at Itachi that way, from under his long, curling lashes, the younger boy knew Shisui was feeling some uneasiness._ _

__“When we were training a few days ago,” Shisui said “I noticed your hair kept getting in your eyes, and that you were always brushing it away from your face. So I thought… this would help.”_ _

__“That’s thoughtful of you, Shisui. Thank you. But I’ve never really… styled my hair before.”_ _

__Itachi used his mother’s ivory comb to straighten out any knots, but aside from that, Itachi didn’t have a clue as to how to style his long hair. He had always worn his hair short, and it was never a concern. Now that he had started letting his hair grow out longer, it hung in curtains by his shoulders and fell over his eyes in the most inopportune times._ _

__“I can show you, if you want. I do it for my father all the time.” Shisui offered casually._ _

__Itachi nodded, and the older boy rose to his feet and settled down behind Itachi._ _

__He felt shy hands at the back of his head, unravelling the knot that kept his new forehead protector in place. He had started wearing it a few months ago, as he had just graduated from the academy earlier than expected. Shisui carefully undid the knot and set down the forehead protector by Itachi’s side._ _

__Shisui’s slender, calloused fingers weaved into his scalp, brushing his hair with feather light touches so that the strands fell down Itachi’s back. Itachi shivered when he felt his fingertips softly graze the skin of his neck._ _

__“How’s your father doing?” Itachi asked as Shisui continued combing his hair back, the motions careful and methodical._ _

__“Oh, he’s doing…” Shisui began in a falsely bright voice, but sighed heavily after a moment.“His eating habits are better, and he can stomach his food now. But he doesn’t… he doesn’t really recognize me anymore.”_ _

__Shisui tucked some loose strands behind Itachi’s ears. “He doesn’t let my mother use a razor to trim his hair. He starts screaming like mad, as if she’s trying to attack him. So his hair is all grown out now, and he sometimes asks me to tie it back for him. I don’t really know why he always asks me to do it. He never lets my mother touch his hair.”_ _

__Wordlessly, Itachi lifted his hand, and put it right on top of Shisui’s, which is poised over the hair hanging near his temple. He gave it a squeeze of reassurance, and only pulled back when he felt Shisui relax under his touch. Itachi knew that when it came to his father, words of consolation and apologies only made him feel like a burden to others. Itachi tried to support Shisui as much as he could without them._ _

__The air around Shisui seemed less tense, and he continued to brush Itachi’s hair until it hung down his back. He felt Shisui’s palm glide over the length of his locks in one soft, fluid motion._ _

__“Your hair’s so long now. It’s nearly touching the middle of your back,” Shisui noted with appreciation. He carefully began bundling the strands together with one hand._ _

__“My father wants me to cut it all off. He says it’s impractical and feminine. And that it’s a disadvantage in combat.”_ _

__“Don’t listen to him. I love your hair long,” Shisui professed, and Itachi grinned at how easily he contradicted the head of the Uchiha clan on Itachi’s behalf. “And it doesn’t look feminine at all. I read somewhere that the Shodai Hokage had hair that reached his elbows, and he was the most skilled shinobi who ever lived.”_ _

__With one hand bunching all of his hair together, Itachi felt Shisui’s other hand secure the fabric around it neatly._ _

__“And I completely disagree with his assertion that long hair is a disadvantage in combat. You’ll look a thousand times more powerful and heroic when you fight. They’ll cower before your outstanding skill and envy you for your gorgeous locks.”_ _

__Itachi laughed, and Shisui’s touch faded away. The older boy moved again, and sat right in front of Itachi._ _

__“There. My work is done.”_ _

__Itachi hummed a thank you, and lifted his hands to his head, sliding his hands over the roots of his hair and following the natural progression to the ends of his dark strands. Shisui had tied his hair back at the nape of his neck, secure but not too tight. Itachi’s hair felt neater, and his scalp tingled at the memory of Shisui’s fingers slowly threading through his hair. The sensations were still fresh on his skin because he had been dwelling with nature a short time before. He knew his skin would remain overly-sensitive for a few hours afterward, so Shisui’s ghostly touches would linger there for a while. Itachi held one long strand between his thumb and forefinger, inspected the ends carefully, and then flicked it over his shoulder._ _

__“I like it. I feel… different, somehow.” Itachi said after a moment._ _

__When he looked up, he saw Shisui was watching him attentively, his eyes wide and entranced. The older Uchiha quickly averted his gaze, and then looked up at him from underneath his lashes again._ _

__“It’s a masterpiece. My greatest achievement to date.” Shisui asserted with conviction._ _

__Itachi giggled, and then posed himself like a portrait. “How do I look?”_ _

__Shisui stroked his chin theatrically, feigning deep thought._ _

__“It definitely suits you. And your hair isn’t obscuring your face anymore.”_ _

__Suddenly, Shisui reached over and pressed shy, calloused thumbs to Itachi’s face, lightly touching the skin along his eyes. Itachi had newly-formed creases that began near the corner of his eyes and curved downward. The lines on his face had started developing when he began dwelling with nature, and they were only getting longer and more pronounced as he improved his mastery._ _

__The contact was a fleeting half a second, but Itachi’s hypersensitive skin quivered . He could feel the microscopic chakra points on his face pulse erratically from Shisui’s delicate touch._ _

__“I can finally see your eyes again, Itachi.”_ _

__Itachi let out a tiny exhale._ _

__Shisui looked away from him and gestured to the river with a small nod of his head._ _

__“Go see your reflection in the water.”_ _

__The younger Uchiha crawled forward, kneeling as he peered down into the crystal clear water. His reflection stared back at him with familiar dark eyes and small lips that were rippled and distorted by the motions of the Nakano._ _

__“It really isn’t the best mirror,” Itachi said with a chuckle, rising to his feet. He looked around for Onmoraki, but the bird had flown off and Itachi hadn’t even realized._ _

__“We should head to the training grounds now. The sun will be setting soon,” Shisui stated as he stood up and dusted off his clothing. He knew Itachi’s mother made him come home by sunset._ _

__“All right.”_ _

__They walked side by side, stepping away from the river with an easy pace._ _

__“You know,” Shisui said in a teasing tone, “Now that your hair won’t get in the way, you might just be able to keep up with my speed.”_ _

__Itachi playfully jabbed the older boy in the ribcage. “I don’t think a ponytail will improve my speed that much. You’re no match for me, Shisui.”_ _

__Suddenly, Itachi felt a playful tug on the end of his ponytail, and the sound of Shisui’s boyish laughter._ _

__Itachi looked at Shisui’s wide smile, and couldn’t help but smile back. By now, Itachi believed that Shisui’s joy was infectious._ _

__“What was that for?”_ _

__Shisui shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m just happy. I was sad before I got here, but when I’m with you, I always feel… I feel like I can laugh again.”_ _

__Itachi’s heart soared at Shisui’s words, and he felt at ease._ _

__*******  
Itachi bit his lip as he slipped into the house as quietly as he could. He was late, but he was sure his family hadn’t started eating dinner yet. He could easily avoid a spectacle if he was careful._ _

__His mother took family dinners to an extreme. He could comprehend why she wanted him home before dark (she was his mother after all), but she was adamant on eating together as a family every night. Itachi thought it was because they hardly saw his father throughout the week. Dinner was the only time they spent together as a family._ _

__His mother was in the kitchen, and her back was turned to him as she finished preparing their meal. Itachi had successfully sneaked past when he suddenly heard the clumsy pitter patter of feet on the wooden floor._ _

__“‘Tachi!”_ _

__Sasuke, whom he hadn’t noticed was seated on the kitchen floor, had waddled his way to him excitedly. He had learned how to walk on his own by now, and he was getting extremely fast._ _

__Itachi reached for his brother’s extended arm, and smiled at him. He was the only person in the house who loved Itachi without expecting something from him other than affection. The boy looked positively overjoyed at the attention, and as he smiled, his chubby cheeks turned his dark, round eyes into crescents._ _

__“Hello, Sasuke,” he greeted._ _

__“You’re late,” his mother interjected without turning around._ _

__Itachi stepped into the bright kitchen, and Sasuke followed him eagerly._ _

__“I’m sorry. Shisui and I were training and I didn’t realize how―”_ _

__“It’s all right, Itachi,” his mother said in that soft, quivering voice of hers. “Your father is… he’s got business to take care of. He’s coming home later than usual.”_ _

__Itachi couldn’t say he was surprised. He supposed his father was a hard-working man. Before his father became the head of the Uchiha clan, he was off on missions and fighting war battles for months at a time. For a long time, it had been just him and his loving, lively mother. And when his father came back, and everything started falling apart, it had been him and his thoughts and silence._ _

__Sasuke was by his feet now, grabbing onto his leg with plump little fingers. Itachi rubbed his head affectionately._ _

__“Your hair,” his mother said suddenly, as she put the simmering vegetables onto a plate. “It looks nice, Itachi. You should wear it like that more often.”_ _

__Itachi smiled at her. “I think I will. It keeps it out of my eyes.”_ _

__His mother set down the plate, and observed him carefully. “Yes, your eyes. They look just like mine, except...” she stepped closer to him, and put her hands to his face, tracing the lines around his eyes._ _

__“How strange. These markings.”_ _

__Itachi stiffened. His mother’s caress felt invasive and clinical. She had stopped being physically affectionate with Itachi ever since he was old enough to fight, which had been early on in his life. And her fingers felt so different from Shisui’s. Shisui’s touch had been brief, but it felt fluttering and alive, like a heartbeat._ _

__“I think they’ve started forming from strain. I train hard every day.”_ _

__She removed her hands from his cheeks, and Itachi felt like he could breathe again._ _

__“You’re too young to have such wrinkles,” she said, staring with equal parts curiosity and concern. “They might be an omen.”_ _

__Itachi opened his mouth to say something, but clamped it shut quickly. His mother wasn’t entirely wrong; these lines had emerged because he was training with a minor deity. He wondered what she would say if he told her about Onmoraki. He knew she was knowledgeable about spiritual matters._ _

__“You should bring an offering, Itachi,” she urged firmly. “It might be an evil spirit that has cast its eye upon you.”_ _

__Itachi’s contemplation of sharing his experiences ended there. If he told her about his training, she’d think he was walking into death’s hands, or that he might be half-dead already. And he wanted to continue training without interference, without her knowing. It was a part of his own little world, and the only others involved were Onmoraki, Shisui, and the Nakano. No one else needed to know._ _

__Itachi nodded his head, and obediently swept around the kitchen and took the items he needed for the offering. As he headed out of the kitchen, he heard Sasuke’s tiny footsteps following him. Itachi smiled, slowing his pace so he could wake together with his little brother._ _

__The kamidana, the family’s shrine, was set up in a tiny room beside the kitchen. His mother was the only one who used it every day without fail. When he was little, Itachi used to like watching her worship, preparing the offering and the incense in her deliberate, caring manner. During the days of war, she would pray for Itachi and his father’s safety, and she would always come back to him with a brave, gentle smile._ _

__And then her brother died in battle, and she found out about his father’s affair with another kunoichi. That was when her voice dimmed down to a whisper, and her smiles became a rarity. She would shut herself in this room, worship for hours on end, and stop coming back to him._ _

__Itachi carefully poured the water into the tiny porcelain cup, just like he’d seen her do thousands of times before. Her back had been turned to her father’s that time._ _

_”Mikoto, how―”_

_”Do you take me for a fool? I see the way you look at her. I saw you both that night, leaving the Hokage’s residence.”_

__That was when Itachi realized how even the strongest of bonds could be broken._ _

__“‘Tachi? You okay?”_ _

__Sasuke was by his side, watching him with wide eyes._ _

__Itachi schooled his features into a smile, and lifted Sasuke into his arms. His brother giggled in delight._ _

__“Do you want to help me, Sasuke?”_ _

__“Okay!”_ _

__Itachi shifted his brother to his hip, and scooped up the rice offering with his free hand and placed it in his small hand._ _

__“Put the rice on that plate, right there.”_ _

__Sasuke jammed the sticky rice on the plate with excitement and looked at him._ _

__“Now what?”_ _

__“Close your eyes.”_ _

__His brother squeezed his eyes shut tightly._ _

__“Good. Now you can make a wish.”_ _

__“I don’t know what to wish for, ‘Tachi.”_ _

__“It could be anything you want, Sasuke. The spirits are listening, and they want to grant it for you.”_ _

__“Spirits?” Sasuke asked, his lips pursing in confusion._ _

__Itachi brushed the hair across Sasuke’s forehead. “They’re friends that you can’t see all the time. But they’re always watching you and protecting you.”_ _

__“Like you, ‘Tachi. You protect me all the time.”_ _

__Itachi felt a small laugh escape his throat, and he hugged his brother close. “I always will.”_ _

__***********_ _

__“And now, they tell me that more Anbu spies have been stationed around the district for surveillance. As if we’re all traitors.”_ _

__Itachi watched his father from across the dinner table, his narrow eyes sharp and stern as he chewed his food solemnly._ _

__“That seems… wasteful,” his mother answered carefully, as if she were afraid they were listening to her words that very moment. “Deploying Konoha’s best shinobi around here instead of having them complete useful missions.”_ _

__His father sniggered. “Anbu is good, but they’re not like us, Mikoto. They don’t possess our innate skill and strength, our visual prowess. Why, the academy couldn’t even teach Itachi anything useful! How long were you a student there, Itachi?”_ _

__“I graduated in four months,” Itachi stated plainly._ _

__His father set down his chopsticks with finality. “See, this is exactly what the others have been talking about. They always tell me how we’re being held back, how the Hokage is hindering our potential and advancement. And I’m starting to see it. Their mistrust and restraint of our clan grows steadily each day .”_ _

__“Fugaku, you shouldn’t say such things,” his mother chided quietly. Her eyes darted to the window, but other than that, she looked calm._ _

__“Before it was just disheartening,” he continued, ignoring his mother’s warning. “Remember how the council denied us guardianship of the Yondaime’s orphaned son? You were Kushina’s closest friend, and we were willing to raise him as our own. That feeble excuse they gave us was pitiful. I can say with conviction that Jiraiya is a powerful shinobi, but he isn’t equipped to raise a child, what with all his womanizing and drinking, and he still hasn’t returned to Konoha, like they assured us he would. And because they mistrust us and our sharingan, they refused to have us take care of the jinchuriki. Now that poor child is growing up all alone, hungry and bereft of parental―”_ _

__“Fugaku, stop. I’ve heard enough.”_ _

__Itachi startled at his mother’s firm tone. She hardly ever spoke up to her father that way, and his father's jaw tensed as he silenced himself, throwing her a vaguely apologetic look. He knew his father hated nothing more than to be contradicted and opposed before he said his share. When his father diverged from his usual domineering severity, Itachi wondered if that was his way of showing his remorse for what he did to his mother, of righting his wrong. Their bond had been shattered, but they were trying to hold it together for Itachi’s sake._ _

__“I don’t want to think about the boy’s predicament anymore, not after we tried everything we could. It only brings me feelings of guilt and sadness.”_ _

__His mother turned to Sasuke, and ran a slim finger down the curve of his cheek. “They’re the same age,” she said quietly._ _

__His mother rose to her feet gracefully and headed to the kitchen._ _

__“I’ll go brew us some tea.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a while, but I finally managed to finish this chapter. I hope it was enjoyable for you guys, and I also have some general points to address:  
> 1) I hope that the idea of dwelling is understandable so far. I'm going to expand more on it in the next chapter, because but I wouldn't mind clarifying if there are any questions.  
> 2) Itachi's family life always seemed far from perfect to me, and I expanded on them in a way that I thought was interesting/relatable. Itachi never seemed connected to his clan other than by name, and I always felt his disattachment from his family was the reason why he could ultimately go through with the massacre of the clan.  
> 3) The title of the chapter comes from david bowie's song changes. I think the concept of impermanence permeates this chapter, since a lot of things are starting to change at this point (Itachi's relationship with Shisui is progressing, Fugaku is hatred of the leaf's mistreatment is growing serious) I thought it was a fitting title, and the song is catchy

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is an expansion on the canon universe and there are just a few general points I'd like to mention:  
> -To me, Itachi always seemed like a mystical character with great intuition and the ability to see into the beyond. When there was so much focus on him having a one-sided conversation with crows after he jumped off the cliff, I was always curious as to what it meant, and this was the result I came up with. I hope this twist on the was understandable, and not too out crazy for the readers.  
> -I added the lore to the Nakano because I felt like it was always important to Shisui and Itachi's and it reprsented the demise of their relationship. I made them meet there (I hated how they meet in the anime) and The mizuchi is sort of based off haku from spirited away  
> -Since they were only kids here (I pictured Itachi as 5 and Shisui as 7-8) I did not want to make their first meet too romantic and bogged down by existential conversation even though they are both mature children. The rest of the story will focus on their developing romance just not this chapter


End file.
